Of Oddities and Goldfish Ghosts
by MissEgypt111
Summary: Insanity ensues when Dib is possessed by the ghost of a psychopathic goldfish. EIGHTH AND FINAL CHAPTER UP!!
1. Cheddar the Psychopathic Goldfish

Of Oddities and Goldfish Ghosts  
  
  
  
Author's Note: Yeah, I know…this is kind of a weird plot. It's full of insanity and such. I don't want to be responsible if your mind bursts into flames. But we all seem to enjoy that in the Zim section, don't we? This is my first solo fic that I've posted. I co-wrote a few other ones with Xander a while ago. "The One Where Zim Succeeds" and "Attack of the Flannel-Hating Killer Robot" to name a few. So…let me know if you like this one.  
  
Disclaimer: Invader Zim is Jhonen Vasquez's creation. A very good creation. Yes it is. I own nothing except Cheddar, the psychopathic goldfish.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER ONE: Cheddar the Psychopathic Goldfish  
  
Across the sidewalk, an impossibly chubby circus clown was inexplicably throwing up. It looked as though he had eaten a combination of orange peels and chocolate syrup. GIR watched happily from the window of Zim's lair. People could be thoroughly entertaining at times.  
  
Zim was down in his mass of labs, consulting his computer about sumo wrestlers, and if they posed any danger to him in his quest of world domination.  
  
The circus clown hurled up what could only be his lungs, for he was gagging so hard. GIR giggled.  
  
Dib happened to be walking along the same sidewalk as the morbidly ill clown, due to his own misfortune. He stepped carefully around the hurling thing, while at the same time sneaking suspicious glances at the deranged appearance of the alien's house nearby, wondering what hopeless plot he was up to now.  
  
"HIYA, MR. DIB GUY!!!" squealed GIR from inside, waving hysterically, pointlessly pleased to have seen someone he recognized.  
  
Dib was mildly taken aback by this and, knowing he had been seen and it would be a waste to try and sneak in now, walked dejectedly down the street, away from Zim's house and toward his own.  
  
~  
  
Somewhere on the other side of the city, an elderly woman who curiously resembled a bulbous parakeet wept over the loss of a pet goldfish she had loved for so long. She had called him Cheddar, and that fish had kept her company as she mindlessly knitted away the hours, pausing every now and then to breakdance. She remembered, fondly, the moments that she had taken the fish from its bowl and had tossed it about in the air as she spun around on the floor.  
  
And now those days were all gone, all gone in the instant Cheddar left this world. The old woman was assailed with a fresh wave of tears as she stared at her dead pet, floating on its side in its bowl. She'd have to give him a proper burial, as any self-respecting ancient granny ought to.  
  
Yet…she had assumed Cheddar to be completely gone. But his ghost still lingered….and it began roaming the city in search of a young human's mind to possess…  
  
~  
  
Dib sighed as he stared at the background on his computer. It was a picture he'd scanned in from a UFO magazine. It was a large, intricate crop circle that had been found in Wisconsin.  
  
He yawned. He was getting tired, and it was late at night. He didn't know if Gaz was still playing her Game Slave in front of the TV, or if she'd left. Dib had just finished communicating with his fellow Swollen Eyeball members. He closed his eyes and fell asleep in front of the crop circle- decorated screen.  
  
Cheddar's ghost filtered into the house through an open window in the living room. If someone didn't have an open eye for the paranormal, they wouldn't have noticed the faintest thing. Yet if they were alert, and were prepared for the coming of a goldfish ghost, they might have been able to detect the faintest glimmer of scales, tinted silver in the moonlight, which seemed to rob it of its invisibility.  
  
Cheddar somehow knew that there would be someone for him to possess in this house. He felt himself swim through the air, although he had not really done so. (A/N: I had a fish named Cheddar. He's dead too.) Pretty smart for a fish.  
  
Gaz sat on the sofa, clicking away relentlessly at her Game Slave. She'd defeated this level so many times that she would probably be able to beat it even if she were unconscious. Still, being the dedicated gamer that she was, this level was a vital source of entertainment, and she played on.  
  
Minutes later, she paused her game and looked around the room. She sniffed the air, which had oddly begun to reek of cannibals slathered in salsa juices. Gaz turned her attention to the doorway when she heard a footstep in that general direction. The door creaked open, and on it stood –  
  
"HI! I'm Earl the Loincloth Salesman!" said a hideously overweight man in his mid-sixties, clad in nothing but a pink loincloth. The horror….  
  
Gaz grabbed a baseball bat from a corner, and brandished it at him. "Leave this place or die," she muttered.  
  
Earl the Loincloth Salesman gave a startled look and ran out the door, a trail of salsa mysteriously left in his path.  
  
Gaz shuddered with annoyance and resumed level 19. People these days….  
  
Cheddar's wandering spirit had witnessed this. No, he wouldn't possess that girl. She seemed as though she would condemn him to a nightmare world of magical lemons if she ever found out she'd been possessed. Cheddar was a wise judge of character. Especially for a fish. (A/N: Why does Cheddar want to possess someone? Well…just because.)  
  
He allowed himself to float into another room, where a sleep-deprived boy rested with his face on a keyboard. He had spiky hair, glasses, and one heck of a nice trench coat. Cheddar couldn't feel as much about his personality as he had been able to for the dangerous girl in the other room.  
  
This would be the one he would possess; this would be the unfortunate kid to have his mind controlled by the ghost of a goldfish who had nothing better to do.  
  
~  
  
Directly across from Dib's house, on the sidewalk, four manta rays seemingly fell out of the sky. They exchanged bored looks and proceeded to explode.  
  
"Yep…they're getting ready for the 4th of July earlier every year," wheezed a bald, elderly man in the adjacent yard. "They're making them new…uh…pyrotechnic manta rays this year…mm…yeah…" he added to no one in particular.  
  
~  
  
Cheddar had successfully blended his spirit with Dib's mind. It had been morning for several hours now, and Dib sat, asleep, with his head still on the keyboard. His computer jammed in protest and eventually shut itself off.  
  
An alarm clock beeped somewhere in the room, causing him to jolt awake. All he knew was that he wanted water. Not necessarily to breathe, but just if he could wallow in it…  
  
Dib shook his head. Something was strange. He followed the smell of burnt toast and salsa emanating from the kitchen. He found Professor Membrane brutally mutating a piece of what might have been recognizable as whole wheat bread a few moments ago. Gaz sat at the table with a glass of soda and a bowl of cereal.  
  
"You know, we do have skool today," she muttered.  
  
Somewhere inside Dib's head, a quiet, bubbly voice murmured, /What is this…skool?/ Dib shook his head in frustration again. He knew what skool was. How dumb….he wanted to say something…. "NO! THOSE ARE NOT AVERAGE CANTALOUPES, YOU EVIL PENGUIN!" What? He hadn't meant to say that… "No! I meant….um…I think I'm possessed or something…I've heard of this happening before…kind of cool actually…"  
  
Gaz suppressed a laugh and a few cruel words. Instead all she said was, "I can't wait to see the idiocy that ensues from your stupid self today."  
  
Whatever portion Dib still had control of in his mind felt numb. They had skool…he was uncontrollably insane…this was going to be interesting.  
  
~  
  
  
  
  
  
Yep. I said this was gonna have a strange plot. I liked writing it, though. There will be much heavier doses of insanity in chapters to come. 


	2. A Day of Mental Torment

Here's the second chapter. Thanks to all who reviewed. I grant you the super power of Manta Ray Explody. It's fun! If anyone's interested, check out my Survivor parody. It has Gaz and GIR in it, but it's in the crossover section. Anyway…enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer: Did I not already say I own nothing except Cheddar? DIDN'T YA READ IT?! DIDN'T YA????  
  
  
  
~  
  
CHAPTER TWO: A Day of Mental Torment  
  
"As I was saying," grated Ms. Bitters's elderly voice, "the Ancient Egyptians put excruciatingly delightful amounts of emphasis on doom. They recognized that they were doomed the moment they were alive…just doomed….doomed…so they spent the whole purpose of their existence on constructing tombs and writing scripts of the dead for their doomed corpses….doom, doom, doom…"  
  
"Ms. Bitters?" ventured Keef. "Are we ever going to learn about something else? I mean, we're always talking about death, destruction, and the universe imploding, so why don't we discuss something cheerful for a change? Like, maybe, unicorns, fairies, or sunshine…" (A/N: Torture! AHHH!!!)  
  
"Silence, child! You smell of bratwursts!" said Ms. Bitters, giving her frightening stare.  
  
Zim laughed to himself, while at the same time considering the Ancient Egyptians and their death rituals. Even though he had no ties to this planet, nor did he want any, it was an interesting topic. He liked doom.  
  
Dib slipped a suspicious glance at Zim to his right. So far, so good; he had managed to keep whatever had possessed him in check for two hours that morning.  
  
Keef was persistent. "What's so wrong about…about sunshine…and…and fairies?"  
  
"Everything. They bring miserable children like yourself joy, and bliss is ignorance," said Ms. Bitters irritably. "They are too bright, too happy, and they will have no place in my classroom. If you ever have to get used to the monotony of today's hideous society, you should not expose yourself to such fantasies."  
  
Keef shrunk in his chair, his happiness diminishing a great deal. The other kids exchanged glances back and forth among each other, and they all seemed to have the same message: Skool was hell.  
  
"Now, then. Anyone who opposes the way I teach may speak, but be prepared to face the consequences later."  
  
Dib tried to rein the inner goldfish ghost in, but he couldn't contain the insanity that had been brought down upon his large, large head. "YOU! MARSHMALLOW SQUEEZER!!" he found himself shrieking, pointing wildly at Ms. Bitters.  
  
Ms. Bitters raised an uninterested eyebrow.  
  
"HAVE YOU NOTICED THE ABNORMALITY OF THE CANTALOUPE SYSTEM?! I TOLD YOU THEY WEREN'T NORMAL!!!"  
  
Everyone stared, and Zim seemed greatly amused.  
  
"Go ahead! FONDLE THAT SHAMROCK! I DARE YOU!!" screamed Dib. (A/N: I think Cheddar's elderly owner was a homeless recipient of Happy Noodle Boy at one time or another…)  
  
And then it was over. Well…most of it, as Dib still wanted to wallow in a water pit really bad. He sat down in his seat, fully aware of what had occurred, and equally as embarrassed.  
  
"Go. Just go to lunch and get out of my sight," commanded Ms. Bitters, who had already had enough of the reek de children for today.  
  
~  
  
Gaz sat down next to her brother at an empty table and eyed her tray of apricots and barbecue sauce with distaste. She wished she didn't have to occupy the same table as Dib, but all the others were filled with ditzy fools. It wasn't as though she cared to eat right now, anyway. Gaming was more important, and her attention capacity was again filled with blood and vampire pigs as she took out her Game Slave.  
  
Dib, too, was examining his food, his hopes of decent substance annihilated. Nonetheless, he was hungry, and he loaded his fork with apricots coated by a slimy layer of barbecue sauce.  
  
Cheddar had waited for this opportunity, and was already thoroughly amused by the sheer prospect of making his human host lose whatever sanity he had left.  
  
Dib's face went blank as he dropped the fork he had poised in front of his face. It clattered to the ground and Gaz looked up in annoyance.  
  
"It never fails," she began, "wherever I go, there's some miserable piece of humanity trying to destroy my game. You're all the same. Disturb me again, and I promise I'll rip off your eyelids and tack them to my wall." With those loving words of encouragement, Gaz returned to her game, to which she was enslaved.  
  
Zim had been watching Dib this whole time. Things had been unusual that Monday morning. Dib hadn't accused Zim of his alien likeness at all yet. In fact, he hadn't said anything. It was as though he was watching himself, afraid he'd slip up and say something he didn't mean to.  
  
Well, those efforts were a waste. (A/N: Brace yourselves.)  
  
Dib lifted his lunch tray and hurled it through the air at Melvin, who was knocked unconscious. He began foaming at the mouth, and shook his head from side to side so vigorously that some of the foamy sickness flew off and hit poor, unfortunate Zim.  
  
"AARRRRGGHH! Human filth!" Zim shrieked as the saliva burned his green skin. He began convulsing, in the disgusted way he did at times, and cursed Dib some more.  
  
Gaz paused the second level and grabbed the knife on her lunch tray. She kept her promises. So much for Dib's eyelids.  
  
"COME, FLY WITH ME TO THE LAND OF TURTLE EXCREMENT!" Dib hollered, windmilling his arms enthusiastically.  
  
"Already been there!" said someone happily in the background. Cheddar, who was firmly in control of Dib at the moment, chose to ignore this.  
  
Dib spied a glass of water on Sara's tray. Water…sweet water. He made a dive for it, and ended up landing awkwardly on her table.  
  
"Weirdo," she muttered, turning away as Dib grabbed the glass and poured it all over his scythe-like hairstyle.  
  
"YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE SLATHERED WITH PIMENTO OILS! I USE ANTIBACTERIAL HAND CLEANSERS! FEAR THE BRITISH SALAMANDERS, FOR THEY WISH MY TRACHEA DEAD!"  
  
Cheddar, in longing for the days of his old woman's breakdances, knew what was coming next. Dib began breakdancing on the floor of the grimy cafeteria. Gaz stood to the side, waiting patiently with the knife intended for Dib's eyelids in her right hand.  
  
~  
  
It was recess. Dib was in control of his mind at the moment, and he sat thoughtfully on a bench off to the side while the other filthy, giddy children tossed a ball around, jumped rope, exchanged tongues, shaved themselves, licked the pavement, diligently picked their noses, and crapped their pants…the usual. Except Gaz and Zim, who were engrossed in a game console and mocking other kids, respectively.  
  
"I wish I could close my eyes," he thought aloud, wondering why he was possessed by a demon fish. He had so far endured a day of pure mental torture, and it wasn't even over yet.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted as seven large manta rays landed with a smack on the hopscotch area. Their gills rippled a bit in the breeze before they exploded with violent force.  
  
Dib sat up. Crap, that was odd. Still, he wanted more than anything in the world to close his eyes. Even Gaz witnessed it and laughed darkly, amused.  
  
Dib stared at the sky. The sunlight was hard on his eyes…he kept turning over and over again in his mind how he could have possibly let Gaz remove his eyelids without even taking off his glasses. Even more important, though, was that he find a way to expel the psycho goldfish from his brain. He just couldn't live like this every day…  
  
~  
  
  
  
  
  
Will Dib's mentality still be intact after Cheddar's through with him? Will Zim use Dib's insanity (more so than before) as a weakness to rid himself of the human who ruined his plans time after time? Will Ms. Bitters give Dib the promised consequences for speaking out of line? Will Gaz return Dib's eyelids? Will GIR run around the nearest golf course, slapping himself with slices of beef jerky? The answers will be revealed in the next chapter. Perhaps. 


	3. So Very Haunted By the Manta Rays

Again, I would like to thank all who reviewed. Now go explode those manta rays! EXPLODE THEM LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!! Um…yeah. Read, review, implode with glee, and enjoy Chapter 3.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothin' but Cheddar, Maurice Mikoto, and those poor, poor, explosive manta rays.  
  
  
  
~  
  
CHAPTER 3: So Very Haunted By the Manta Rays  
  
  
  
Dib hurriedly tried to splash water into his drying eyes the moment he stepped inside of his house again. Gaz laughed in cruel amusement as she passed him and made her way to the couch. Inside Dib's thoughts, Cheddar's ghost was feeling the need for severe hydrotherapy.  
  
Dib hurled himself into the sink, positioning his eyes directly below the faucet. He believed that his possessor had encouraged this move, although it was hard to tell, for his eyes were demanding it just as badly. Sweet…cool…water…  
  
Gaz remembered that she still had her brother's eyelids and she promptly tacked them to the outside of her bedroom door, beneath a sign proclaiming: "Leave me alone or else." The bloody eyelids, she felt, got the message through clear enough.  
  
After nearly drowning himself in heavenly aqua, Dib allowed himself to leave the sink to look for his eyelids. He wandered in the direction of Gaz's room and didn't have to glance more than a second to see that she had proudly secured them to her door. He removed them and began thinking of ways in which he might reattach them to his face, where they belonged.  
  
~  
  
Zim stared out of the window in his base, at the violently ill circus clown that was still there. He was trying to ponder Dib's strange behavior, but a clown projectile vomiting up its organs was by far more entertaining. It was at this point Zim realized GIR hadn't been seen since he returned from skool.  
  
~  
  
"Don't worry, chubby man, I'll squeeze your tongue!" said GIR cheerfully as he trotted down the green of a golf course, watching a very large sumo wrestler called Maurice Mikoto break out a new set of clubs.  
  
Mikoto didn't seem to notice anything. Some strange metal thing was following him everywhere, he had a throbbing headache, his tapeworm was feeling raunchy, and he couldn't play golf to save his life, but other than that, he was having a fantastic day.  
  
That is, until he felt a long strip of something hit him from behind.  
  
"So that's what it's like to slap someone with beef," said GIR happily, raising his metallic arm for another swing at the sumo wrestler's butt units.  
  
Mikoto turned and stared at the tiny android behind him, who had decided that it would be a good idea to run around a golf course in the late afternoon, slapping random objects with slices of teriyaki beef jerky.  
  
GIR lowered his voice and spoke with awe, and for whatever reason, the wrestler listened. "See this? It's my magic jerky." GIR paused and looked both ways, as though he were disclosing a very important secret. "It smells of the grapefruits you ate yesterday."  
  
Mikoto nodded, suddenly aware that he had, in fact, eaten two grapefruits the previous morning as part of breakfast. This strange thing must have psychic powers…  
  
"AND IT LIKES YOU!!!" GIR concluded, swinging a strip of jerky at Mikoto.  
  
Mikoto fell to the ground, shuddering with pain. He never knew teriyaki beef jerky to be so painful.  
  
GIR left the scene, slapping himself with two pieces of jerky, as he proceeded to run around the other areas of the golf course.  
  
~  
  
Dib sat in a chair by his computer desk, having successfully stapled his eyelids back onto his face. Gaz would be disappointed. His mind was shooting all over the place, and what the normal side of him couldn't figure out was that these memories he was seeing weren't his own.  
  
He thought he was staring out of a grimy fishbowl at an elderly woman, who strongly reminded him of a bulbous parakeet.  
  
Dib shook his head. Whatever possessed him was a goldfish; this he now knew for a fact.  
  
He swung his big head up to stare at the ceiling. A few loud thumps had just sounded on the rooftop. Dib ran to the window to see if he could distinguish anything.  
  
A dozen large sting ray-shaped shadows had appeared, hovering over the ground before falling. Dib stared. Twelve sleek manta rays stared back at him.  
  
Cheddar decided to speak to them through Dib's thoughts. /So? What's new?/ the fish asked, sending the neurons in Dib's head into a frenzied confusion. Somehow, a manta ray toward the back of its group seemed to understand. It looked at Dib carefully, as though it were trying to convey a message.  
  
Then all hopes of understanding were lost, and really pointless when everything came down to it. All twelve mantas exploded thunderously, causing the foundation of the house to vibrate deeply.  
  
Dib slammed the window shut and spun himself around so that he was facing away from it, leaning against the wall. He was frightened. Being possessed by a stupid fish was enough, thank you, but manta rays? This was the second time he had witnessed them…and what did they have to do with anything?  
  
"Oh well," he muttered aloud. He'd just go downstairs and grab the last Cherry Coke. (A/N: Yessss…Cherry Coke…)  
  
As Dib laid his right hand on the fridge handle, he realized that he was being watched. Closely.  
  
"You do, you die," hissed Gaz, giving him a death glare as she pointed an accusing finger.  
  
"Fine. You know what? I don't care." Dib had found that it was just smarter to avoid arguments with his sister. He wasn't about to forget the whole eyelid dilemma anytime soon.  
  
Cheddar decided it was about time for his own insane influences to kick in again.  
  
Dib fell to the floor, convulsing. Gaz stared. This again.  
  
"HELP ME…RITA…" gasped Dib. "The sloth…so large…it wants the German battle plan, Captain…the subs will overtake it eventually. MY INTESTINES! THEY FEEL ALL SUGAR-DEPENDANT!!!" He began to drool. Sad, really. (A/N: Poor, poor Dib.)  
  
"Get up," muttered Gaz.  
  
Dib shook most of Cheddar's influence away from his present thoughts. He staggered to his feet and began searching for his father.  
  
"Dad?" he asked hesitantly, staring into the large lab.  
  
Professor Membrane turned around and eyed Dib in a very uninterested manner. "What is it now?"  
  
"My mind has been overtaken by a dead goldfish, and I've been having nonsensical spasms all day. I think that eventually my life will be dictated by this horrific creature, and I'll never be able to think for myself anymore. And these manta rays! I don't know what those are all about, but…" Dib trailed off.  
  
"Manta rays, you say?" Professor Membrane asked.  
  
Dib nodded.  
  
"My condolences. Allow me to express my sympathy," replied his father, shoving a radioactive piece of toast into Dib's mouth.  
  
Dib spat it out and walked dejectedly out of the lab. He had to find a way to stop that nightmarish fish.  
  
~  
  
An elderly man, the witness of the first collection of exploding manta rays, was washing his hands in his bathroom sink when a single manta fell through his roof and landed in the shower stall, where it proceeded to explode. (A/N: What else would it do?) "Man, I sure love them new pyrotechnic manta rays, I sure do," he said happily.  
  
A few streets over, in a dark, seemingly dilapidated house, a tall, thin, scary man sat drawing a stick figure, who preached nonsense to the multitudes all over the page. He heard a crash, dropped the writing instrument, and ran into another room, where seven bored mantas had landed.  
  
Johnny stared.  
  
The manta rays exploded.  
  
~  
  
Dib stared at the crop circle backdrop on his computer. He was getting tired, and already the sky glittered with stars. He yawned and unwillingly dozed off.  
  
His dreams were unpleasant, and were mostly made of Cheddar's strange memories. The old, breakdancing woman was in them. Even when Dib was dreaming of his own thoughts, they were very disturbing. He dreamt of Keef parading around the schoolyard in a pink leotard, Ms. Bitters leading him to torture chambers, Zim taking him captive, Old Kid growing an underarm fungus…  
  
When Dib awoke, cruel Tuesday morning had arrived and called him to another day of Skool.  
  
~ 


	4. Death By Insanity

HOLY FLAMING FIZZLES! This fourth chapter actually adds a little plot. Amazing. My thanks to the reviewers as always.  
  
Disclaimer: Owneth notteth, with the exceptions of Cheddar, Elise, Mikoto the sumo wrestler, and the exploding manta rays.  
  
  
  
~  
  
CHAPTER FOUR: Death By Insanity  
  
  
  
The elderly woman, Elise, who owned Cheddar's remains, took it upon herself to dig a hole in the ground in the courtyard of the nursing home where she lived. After a few days of strenuous digging, she finally managed the get the hole to a fantastic, single foot deep. It was good enough in which to bury Cheddar, her dearly departed goldfish.  
  
~  
  
Dib's eyes were twitching uncontrollably. Both of them. He made several futile attempts to get them to stop. But they wouldn't. He just sat at his desk silently, his eyes twitching a couple hundred times a minute. A few of the ignorant children in the class had begun to stare at him. Dib didn't care. They didn't know what it was like to be possessed by a demon goldfish and have your life slowly fall apart.  
  
Zim watched him especially closely. And, naturally, he appeared to be plotting something.  
  
"So the unwanted explorers of Tutankhamen's tomb made their fatal mistake when they didn't heed the warnings of impending doom in the hieroglyphics," hissed Ms. Bitters with rapture. "They were cursed and their whole families fell to doom…doom…doom…"  
  
Dib's left eye twitched about seven times within three seconds. His right eye joined in.  
  
If goldfish knew a way to laugh, a sound suggesting laughter might have erupted from what was left of Cheddar's soul. The fish knew that if he chose to remain in Dib's mind long enough, his soul would be able to feed off Dib's, allowing Cheddar to gain power. Strength…momentary visions of world domination flashed through Cheddar's ghostly ideas.  
  
Dib began hitting his large head against his desk repeatedly. The same ignorant children as before laughed merrily at this. Dib wanted very badly to stop it, but he knew the fish had the better of him. This must end sometime. It had to.  
  
"Doom…" Ms. Bitters mumbled, suddenly aware that Dib was causing a disruption in her lecture of death. "Dib! Continue with your stupidity and I'll have you locked in chains in the skool basement before the day is over."  
  
Surprisingly, Cheddar relented, and Dib was able to put an end to the eye- twitching and such. "Yes, Ms. Bitters," he replied quietly.  
  
Before anything could continue, a morbidly obese man wearing a miniskirt and a sweaty white gym shirt waddled into the classroom. His saliva glands appeared to be in overdrive, as there were large strings of spit hanging off of his chin. He looked around at everyone briefly before dissolving into his own plasma.  
  
"Right," muttered Dib. "I always knew that was possible, but no one seems to care…"  
  
~  
  
Somewhere on the nearest golf course, GIR could be seen sitting next to Mikoto on the green, pondering the many wonders of teriyaki beef jerky, a whole day after he had run around slapping people with various slices of the stuff.  
  
~  
  
Skool was out for the day. Joy. Upon walking home, Dib and Gaz came across Zim, who had been following them and noting Dib's behavior, which might serve him well in his current plan.  
  
"So…Dib-Stink, what's your problem lately? WHY HAVE YOU NOT BEEN MOCKING ME FOR ME ALIEN FEATURES? Tell me…"  
  
Dib stared at his mortal enemy. "I can't even think for myself half of the time."  
  
"Ha!"  
  
"You'd laugh," said Dib, narrowing his eyes, "if you were possessed by a demon fish, I suppose."  
  
"Silence, fools," muttered Gaz, who had chosen to lag behind rather than to be near them, "your moronic drool is giving me the overpowering urge to eviscerate you…"  
  
~  
  
"COMPUTER!" screeched Zim moments later.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Call up the Tallest. I need to tell them I've found a way to rid myself of the Dib and take this filthy rock as Irken territory."  
  
"Command initiated."  
  
A huge screen lowered itself in front of Zim, and on it were the Almighty Tallest, looking as disappointed as ever to know that Zim was still alive since he had called last.  
  
"I've found a way to conquer this thing," Zim began, pacing in front of them.  
  
"And we care because…?" said Tallest Red.  
  
"Yeah, that's what you said last time…" said Purple.  
  
The conversation was brought to an end as a manta ray fell through the ceiling and upper level of Zim's base and onto Zim himself. It exploded. Zim emerged from the rubble, looking badly burned.  
  
"Entertaining!" declared Purple as he shoved a handful of snacks into his mouth.  
  
~  
  
"Let's go to the second annual beef jerky convention!" suggested GIR enthusiastically to Mikoto, who was gnawing on a piece of it that remained from the previous escapades the day before.  
  
"Sure, alright," agreed Mikoto. "Where's it being held?"  
  
"I dunno!" shouted GIR with glee. "Guess we can always go to my Master's base and play video games or something. BUTTERMILK! Tangy salamander powder!" And with that, GIR took off running toward the base, with Mikoto trailing closely.  
  
~  
  
"I am Lord Spandex, hoarder of all things squishy!" announced Dib in another fit of Cheddar-influenced insanity. "No two cannibals are alike! I swear, Mildred, you're looking more like a rainbow trout every day. The Guava Tribe has won this week's immunity challenge! Never squat in the marmalade, you rude granny! Cherries! They grow in clusters on my brain! FUNGICIDES!"  
  
"Shut up," mumbled Gaz as she turned on her Game Slave.  
  
"I'd like to, I really would," said Dib after he regained control of himself. "I think this fish was Happy Noodle Boy in a previous life or something."  
  
"Good for him," said Gaz in a monotone, completely uninterested.  
  
/It will only get worse from here/, said Cheddar's voice, echoing through Dib's head. /If I want to live again, see, I can simply make you die somehow. Your mind will be left to me./  
  
Dib's mind froze. Cheddar was going to try to kill him.  
  
~  
  
Johnny stared angrily at the hole in his ceiling where the manta rays had fallen through. He was mildly surprised to see three more come crashing down, exploding on the way.  
  
~  
  
Three miles away from residence 777, a group of hobos made human sacrifices to a papaya.  
  
~ 


	5. I Don't Wanna Be Roadkill!

This be chapter 5! Again, to the reviewers: I thank you. ::gives them a vat of Skittles in a display of such thankfulness:: Go read now.  
  
Disclaimer: Read the other four.  
  
~  
  
CHAPTER FIVE: I Don't Wanna Be Roadkill!  
  
  
  
Wednesday dawned bright and clear. Except, of course, for the few thunderheads towering over the city, threatening to cause a few flash floods. Yes, my friends, it was raining as though a microburst was taking place. Several small children, in an attempt to walk to skool, were swept off their feet and down storm drainage holes on the street. (A/N: Heh…poor, miserable children…I laugh at their expense.)  
  
When Zim bathed in paste as he usually did, he made sure to use a few extra pounds of it.  
  
He stepped out of his main lab area and into an elevator, which shot him out of the toilet and into the kitchen. He got to his feet, dusted himself off with a disgruntled appearance on his face, and walked into what served as the living room.  
  
Zim heard the sound of "Death 'N Dementia 3" (A/N: Hmm…sounds like a lovely video game…) before he saw it. GIR sat behind the controls for Player One, and an extremely obese man with oddly fashioned black hair sat behind the controls for Player Two.  
  
Zim blinked. Twice, actually. Then –  
  
"GET OUT OF MY BASE!!"  
  
Mikoto stared back at the alien with an unintelligible expression on his face. He seemed to enjoy it. But, as silence filled the room, Mikoto found himself wanting to make conversation. "Do you know where the Beef Jerky Convention is held this year?"  
  
Zim seemed to forget that there was an intruder in his home. Instead, he pointed southwest of the current location and said, "About a mile past the group of hobos who find papayas to be sacred."  
  
GIR jumped up and squealed. "WHOO!! Past the Johnny's house?"  
  
"Eh? Johnny?"  
  
But GIR didn't seem to remember what he'd just said. He grabbed Mikoto by the chub rolls and tried painfully to pull him out of the house. He only succeeded because Mikoto decided to abandon the video game and follow.  
  
Zim threw on his grand disguise and walked outside into the downpour, on his way to the hideous hell-on-Earth pit known more commonly as "skool."  
  
~  
  
Already Dib was having bad luck with his fish possessor. He took it as a sign of Cheddar asserting his authority. Well, he'd fight. As long as he could.  
  
Gaz found the whole prospect amusing when it all came down to it. How many angry darkchildren got to see one of the people they hated most have their minds disintegrate all because of a stupid goldfish?  
  
As Dib opened the door to make his morning exit, he projectile vomited. It flew with such force that it hit a small, terrified-looking boy clutching a freakish teddy bear, who was passing. The boy's eyes went wide as he let out a "Squee!" and ran down the sidewalk.  
  
Dib felt bad about that.  
  
Gaz didn't. "Psh. Whiner," she muttered, as she took out her Game Slave (surprise, surprise) for another day of gaming action. Inwardly, she laughed at her stupid brother and his projectile vomit.  
  
Dib and Gaz started their own route down the sidewalk, avoiding the pool of lime green vomit Dib had left on the cement as a token of…something.  
  
Dib sniffed the air. "Gaz…my vomit…it smells of coffee…" (A/N: Lovely, isn't it? Heh…coffee vomits!)  
  
"So?"  
  
"IT'S COFFEE VOMIT, THAT'S WHAT! AND I HAVEN'T HAD ANY COFFEE THIS MORNING!"  
  
"You're pointless." With those words of wisdom, Gaz left her brother, who was convulsing on the sidewalk, and continued on to skool.  
  
Dib raised his shaking arms into the air and made squishing motions with his hands. "THE COFFEE VOMIT!!! ARRRGHGHGH!! ITS POTENT REEK PERMEATES THE AIR!" Inside his head, Cheddar laughed…and this time, he could tell it was laughter. Bubbly, faint laughter, but it had gotten stronger, firmer, surer, and it was most certainly there.  
  
Dib suddenly became aware that Cheddar had control of a larger portion of his mentality. So it was true. He then noticed that he had collapsed in what was now four inches of rainwater. His vomit was beginning to mingle with it, a few feet away.  
  
Disgusted, Dib forced himself up and stumbled after his sister, feeling significantly weaker than before.  
  
/Yes,/ laughed Cheddar. /Yes. This afternoon you will die. I want to be free again./  
  
~  
  
"That'll be forty dollars for the both of ya," muttered a stunningly ugly elf by the door of a large building.  
  
GIR looked up at Mikoto with longing. "Aw…I didn't bring any money thingies…" he said, crestfallen. He proceeded to sit on the curb, his cyan eyes filling with tears.  
  
Mikoto didn't seem willing to pay for the entrance, exactly, but seeing his newfound android friend weep so passionately over the situation seemed to change his mind. "I got it, metal thing," he said, shelling out the forty to the hideous elf, who then moved aside and gestured them in.  
  
GIR smiled with glee and leapt into Mikoto's impossibly thick arms. "I LOVES YA!" he shrieked, prying off the sumo wrestler's nostrils with sheer rapture.  
  
Mikoto was slightly startled, but nonetheless went with GIR into the building decked out in banners proclaiming: "2nd ANNUAL BEEF JERKY CONVENTION HERE! TODAY! SQUAT, PLOP, AND ROLL!" (A/N: That's really…something.)  
  
~  
  
Dib stared in shock as he came upon the skool grounds. Keef was prancing around in a frilly pink leotard, Old Kid did indeed have an underarm fungus…he shook his head. It was all a vision. Keef was prancing around, but in regular garb, and Old Kid was hooked up to a new respirator.  
  
/You have to admit, that was amusing, was it not?/ questioned the fish. /Answer me!/  
  
"Yeah…" muttered Dib quietly. He then stood, stunned, realizing he had allowed Cheddar a victory of sorts. By conceding that it was right, he handed over a certain amount of his mental ability to the fish.  
  
He tried to ignore this failure. He stared across the asphalt and saw a preppy girl in a pink halter top whimpering on the ground. Dib did a double-take. The girl was cowering under Gaz's foot. His sister was glaring down at her.  
  
"I'll rip your limbs off if you dare stereotype gamers again," said Gaz in something barely more audible than a whisper.  
  
"You wouldn't," squeaked the annoying child of the light, trying to free herself from Gaz's foot.  
  
"She would," said Dib to no one in particular. He could feel the staples holding his eyelids on. He hadn't forgotten.  
  
~  
  
Dib sighed. Skool was no better today than it had been, but still. Gaz didn't care about his dilemma, and he knew that no matter how much he insisted that paranormal things happened, she'd never help him. She would laugh and hobos would encircle him, proclaiming him lord of all things consisting of cream cheese. People would come out of their houses just to mock his large head…  
  
~  
  
GIR and Mikoto had spent the day in beef jerky heaven. GIR had barbecue and teriyaki strips of the stuff plastered onto his metal body, and he and his sumo wrestler friend were breakdancing merrily on an elevated platform above the rest of the convention hall. Jerky groupies below cheered, vomited, shaved each other's buttcheeks, and partook of other merriment.  
  
"I'm stale-smelling!" proclaimed GIR delightedly, spinning around on the platform.  
  
Mikoto began waving his arms in the air, watching them jiggle, as he quoted Trigun at the top of his lungs to the crowd below.  
  
~  
  
Nny was thoroughly discouraged with life in general as yet another manta ray fell through his roof and exploded. He disappeared into the depths of his basement to ponder the meaning of his existence.  
  
~  
  
Dib and Gaz waited for the traffic to slow so that they might cross the street on their way home. Even Gaz seemed surprised at the events that took place next.  
  
/Now,/ muttered Cheddar from within Dib's mind. /Now you die./  
  
Dib felt fear for one fleeting moment before Cheddar took control. He shouted wildly, windmilling his arms, "NO! I AM NO ONE'S SAUERKRAUT, YOU HEAR ME!!!?? My taste buds will destroy you in the end, you smelly pop tart! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!! YOU MADE ME INSULT PASTRIES!!! NYERGGHH!!"  
  
With that, Cheddar forced Dib to run into the middle of the street. He stumbled and fell – a large 18-wheeler of a semi truck came barreling toward him – on a suburban road? – Cheddar left Dib's mind very briefly, enough for Dib to feel the fear again – Dib looked up and tried to run…  
  
Gaz stared. "Dib? Are you dead?"  
  
~  
  
  
  
Whoo! SUSPENSE! Is Dib really going to die? WILL HE? What chaos will occur at the jammin' Beef Jerky Convention? How will Zim use this in his favor? Review and find out in upcoming chapters. 


	6. Live Forever or Die Trying

Read with amazement as chapter six unfolds with all of its goodness! Um…sorta goodness…I guess. This chapter must be special or something because I have a quote before it. You reviewers are nice. ::gives out additional vats of Skittles in your honor::  
  
Note to Dib Girl: Nope, I've never been to Egypt, but would kill to. As for going there eventually…it's likely. I'm fascinated with the ancient burial rituals. In the meantime, I watch Mummy movies and play video games involving tomb raiding.  
  
Disclaimer: I own Cheddar the evil, evil goldfish, Justin the stupid, stupid semi driver, Mikoto the chubby, chubby sumo wrestler, and all of them explodey, explodey manta rays. NOTHING ELSE!!!  
  
~  
  
"Death is only the beginning." – Imhotep; The Mummy  
  
~  
  
CHAPTER SIX: Live Forever or Die Trying  
  
  
  
The driver of the semi was hideous. No, really. He strongly resembled a cowboy with rotting flesh, and a foul-smelling substance was constantly being secreted from his eyes. The smell of bratwursts clung to his clothes, which hadn't been washed for a fortnight.  
  
His name was Justin. His vision wasn't very good, but he felt his calling was the driving of trucks, and well…he just had to fulfill his dream.  
  
And now he had run over a strange boy with a large head, black trench coat, and an interesting, spiky hairstyle.  
  
Justin slammed on the brakes and flung himself out of the stupidly huge rig. He noticed a purple-haired girl staring at the scene with almost a sick satisfaction…  
  
He turned his attention toward the crumpled kid on the pavement. "Please don't be dead," Justin muttered under his breath.  
  
Dib twitched. There might be a chance. Most likely not.  
  
~  
  
Zim didn't take the time to contemplate GIR's absence. Instead he set to his labs. It was all very noticeable to him that something had taken over his mortal enemy's brain. He had plans for a "Mind Machine," one that would probe anyone's brain for influences. It could then extract them, which Zim hoped would be successful. Whatever had possessed Dib had been potent.  
  
Zim rubbed his antennae thoughtfully. "If I find enough spirits…enough…enough of these…these THINGIES…than perhaps I may gain a supernatural force with sufficient power to help me conquer this spinning ball…this rock which is nothing more than a filth collage…" Zim continued mumbling aloud to himself as he scanned in his identification for use of the computer.  
  
"Ointment," announced the computer abstractly as the system allowed his access.  
  
"Ointment?" questioned Zim.  
  
"Yes, ointment," affirmed the computer.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you just want me to say stuff so you know you're on, that's why! I can't just always say the normal thing, you know! I've got random…things…to think about, and it's gonna happen sooner or later that I accidentally mention them. What do you mean, they don't sell Cherry Icees here? WHAT KIND OF FACILITY IS THIS!?" A barrage of certain words followed this statement.  
  
"I may need to check the artificial intelligence system," said Zim to himself, taking a mental note.  
  
~  
  
Pavement. That's the last thing he remembered feeling, accompanied by the grate of tires on his back. Wasn't that just fantastic…and then the fish had control of his mind, his memories, his actions.  
  
"I'm…alive…again." Cheddar tested the words. He had never actually spoken, but knew them well enough. They came from Dib's mouth – they were his voice, naturally. Cheddar pulled Dib, or whatever was left of him, out from the path of another set of tires.  
  
The fish scolded himself. It was stupid to kill Dib in a car accident. Well…especially a truck accident. Now Cheddar had severely injured limbs to contend with. Dib himself might have survived if it hadn't been for being possessed. His soul had been weakened by it, and thus was more susceptible.  
  
Cheddar liked speaking, nonetheless, as he saw a scary-looking truck driver approach. "Wouldn't you like to scrape the blisters off my cardiovascular unit? WOULDN'T YOU???" (A/N: I think it's safe to affirm the earlier suspicion that Cheddar's former old woman owner was, in fact, at one time a homeless recipient of Happy Noodle Boy.)  
  
Justin studied Dib's injuries. This was odd. No one he'd ever run over had ever crawled away shouting nonsensical crap to the multitudes before.  
  
~  
  
"DANCE, MY MINIONS, DANCE!!" hollered GIR passionately, throughout the convention hall. Several of the beef jerky groupies flung themselves to the floor and began writhing about, as though terminally infected with some psychotic disease.  
  
"I'm keeping several crescent rolls captive in my undergarments!" announced Mikoto proudly. The groupies writhed more energetically, imagining themselves hoarding slices of beef jerky in their own underwear.  
  
A horrendously bloated old woman shouted her love of jerky for everyone to hear and agree upon.  
  
~  
  
Dib knew he was dead, somehow. He could think clearly because Cheddar's influence no longer mingled with his own. Cheddar had stayed on the pavement with the actual Dib when he had died. But, Dib thought dazedly, how can I think when I was just killed? He realized, too, that he hadn't gone anywhere; he simply hovered over the scene as though he wasn't supposed to have died just then. But, really, he shouldn't have…instead, he just hung above Earth…in the air…  
  
~  
  
Imagine Justin's surprise when the Cheddar Dib whipped out a spork and proceeded to prod his eyes.  
  
Imagine Gaz's surprise, when she realized that her interest in the scene had cost the game she'd been playing. She didn't even bother to restart. This was entertaining, as rarely as those times presented themselves.  
  
Imagine Cheddar's surprise when his control over Dib faltered.  
  
~  
  
Somewhere, deep within the recesses of Johnny's basement, a set of rolling blades detached themselves from a wall and whirled over a young, blonde man who had mocked the abnormality of Johnny's footwear.  
  
~  
  
Somewhere, deep within the innermost parts of a large, unnamed city, a little girl clad in a pink dress diligently licked the pigeon crap off of a telephone pole.  
  
~  
  
Somewhere, deep within the Milky Way galaxy, on a distant planet, two amoebas were "getting their freak on" at a local nightclub reserved for microscopic organisms.  
  
~  
  
Dib wrestled his way back into his mind, back in control of himself. Cheddar fought back.  
  
Justin stumbled backward as he saw the kid he had just run over convulse in wicked spasms in the middle of the road.  
  
Dib clawed at the air, rolled over to the curb, basked in the waters left by the previous torrential rainfall, and appeared to be arguing with himself. "You'll never have control of me!" "You won't have any say in it, Dib!" "DIE, YOU EVIL FISH MONSTER!" "Already done so!" "Um…die again then!"  
  
Justin didn't want to talk to the purple-haired girl, who was watching with mild interest from the safety of the sidewalk, mainly for the fact that she appeared dangerous. But he decided that it would be for the best, in case she should know anything about the boy's mental condition.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
Gaz looked up. "What do you want?"  
  
"Do you know this here…charming young guy?"  
  
Gaz stared menacingly into Justin's eyes, giving a glare so powerful that he almost broke down and cried. " 'Charming young guy?' Whatever. He is my sniveling idiot of a brother."  
  
Justin swallowed hard with anxiety. Fantastic. He'd hit a deranged boy on the street and his sister, who had witnessed the whole ordeal, seemed as though she wouldn't mind killing him.  
  
"I'm gonna GO now," announced Gaz with such dark finality that Justin didn't dare speak to her again. The girl resumed giving her attention to the portable game console, which she was enslaved to. SO VERY ENSLAVED!!  
  
~  
  
The 2nd Annual Teriyaki Beef Jerky Convention had been rocking before…then the glory of the party heated up even further when multitudes of manta rays came pouring in through every entrance to the building. There was a pause, then –  
  
Several people were drawn out of their houses as they pondered what had caused such a forceful explosion. A mushroom cloud lingered over a section of commercial buildings.  
  
GIR, Mikoto, the jerky groupies, and the music to which they all grooved as they tossed about strips of the jerky meats, had survived the happening.  
  
"MANTA RAYS! YEAH!" screamed GIR. The groupies began writhing on the floor more happily than ever before. It was not a normal sight one would expose to small children without the risk of nightmares.  
  
~  
  
Dib eventually won his mental battle. Cheddar, although still in his head, had been severely weakened by the conflict. Dib was confident that it would be no trouble driving the demon fish out of his mind forever…after all, he had come back to Earth again when he was supposed to be dead. He was alive again, and Cheddar was merely a possessor once more.  
  
~  
  
  
  
I think it's only going to take a couple more chapters to finish this one. At any rate, I liked writing it. So review and you too can wallow in a vat of Skittles! 


	7. The Near End of Cheddar

I'm back with chapter seven! You may all vomit with happiness now. Yes…there's gonna be only one more chapter after this one, then it's on to other fics.  
  
Wow. I can safely say I've never had someone write a poem about a story I wrote. Thanks. That 'thanks' also extends to all other reviewers, which you would already know if you PAID ATTENTION to my previous reviewer thanks in other chapters. Yes…I thank you!!! Now, on with the story.  
  
Disclaimer: Take a wild guess. No, really. I OWN THINGS NOT!!! That is, with the exception of Cheddar, Justin, Mikoto, and the mantas.  
  
~  
  
CHAPTER SEVEN: The Near End of Cheddar  
  
  
  
There were, obviously, no more walls surrounding the jerky convention. There were several, ancient, shirtless old men serving as jerky groupies who were frightening passersby. A few bloated old women ripped off each other's lips in a show of their gratitude toward the teriyaki meats they worshipped.  
  
And still Mikoto and GIR danced about the platform, which had fallen onto the floor during the explosion, and appeared not to have noticed a significant change.  
  
The wild party continued as chunks upon chunks of spiced jerky were thrown into the air to be licked vigorously off the ground by the hundreds of attending fanatics. (A/N: You never knew someone could feel so passionately about jerky, did you?)  
  
That is, until the police sirens echoed throughout the neighborhood. Officers descended upon the scene and brought it to a close, for it was "disturbing the peace," as they put it. Several angered and disgruntled party-goers coated with jerky mucus (A/N: Jerky has mucus?) began throwing random objects at the officers, and were promptly arrested.  
  
Mikoto merely swung GIR up onto his head and trotted…well, for a sumo wrestler…he, uh, swung GIR up onto his head and rumbled out of the remains of the building. The smoking remains smelling faintly of deodorant.  
  
"Why did they have to wreck da jerky fest?" complained GIR discontentedly from atop Mikoto's strange, black hairstyle.  
  
Mikoto shrugged. "Video games?" he offered.  
  
GIR instantly seemed to forget the hours that had passed and he grabbed Mikoto's eyelids as if to steer him toward Zim's base. "YES! VIDEO GAMES!!"  
  
They rumbled off, silhouetted in the darkening sky.  
  
~  
  
Johnny witnessed the fate of the young blonde man who had stupidly wandered in front of the set of whirling blades. Amused, he then left in quest of Cherry Doom.  
  
~  
  
The local tribe of hobos was still gleefully making human sacrifices to the same papaya.  
  
~  
  
Cheddar drove thoughts of nothing but venom in Dib's direction. Dib, naturally, fought back. He wasn't intended to die right then, and he wasn't about to let it happen so unceremoniously.  
  
The fish was terribly weakened. Whatever stronghold over Dib's mentality he had developed over recent days had strongly decreased.  
  
"Down with you…carp!" mumbled the actual Dib, still convulsing in the road. It was barely audible and barely coherent for that matter, but overall it hardly made a difference. Cheddar, who had tried over the past several minutes to speak through Dib, couldn't. Dib could.  
  
Cheddar, with immediate realization, knew he had lost the fight.  
  
A sudden rush of wind shot down the sidewalk, and as it did so, a silvery wisp of air vaguely resembling scales exited through Dib's ears.  
  
Cheddar glanced spitefully in the human's direction. He hated the kid. He wanted very much to find a weaker host to mentally infest.  
  
Dib knew exactly what the exiled fish would try to do, and on top of that he knew that he may have won the battle, but Cheddar still had a chance to win the war. Dib planned to annihilate the evil creature before someone else fell to its will.  
  
Justin backed away slowly, leapt into his semi, and drove hurriedly down the street, never to be seen again.  
  
Well, except for the hobo tribe, which captured him and used him as their next sacrificial specimen to somehow please the papaya.  
  
~  
  
Gaz was having a fine time. That last statement was meant to completely drip with sarcasm. She had begun her game again as she walked in the direction of her home, when it died for lack of battery juice. After screaming in agony, she set out in search of a convenience store. When she realized that it was getting late, she began looking for one that was open 24/7….  
  
~  
  
"Victory!" shouted Dib, flailing his arms at his own will, just to make sure that it wasn't too good to be true. The several wounds he'd received while getting run over seemed to melt away. Although he knew he was burdened with the chore of destroying the remainder of Cheddar, he felt thoroughly alive again, as though he hadn't been for ages.  
  
The silver mist that was Cheddar hung in the air two yards away, somehow very clearly mocking him.  
  
Dib began his pursuit of the thing. How one was to go about catching something partially surreal was unknown to him, but it had to work somehow. He'd studied paranormal happenings long enough.  
  
~  
  
Across from Zim's base, still retching on the sidewalk, stood the rejected circus clown. It finally dawned on him that he was vomiting with such force because of the flies he'd so mindlessly eaten during breakfast four days ago. A sumo wrestler and an android had passed earlier, pointing and laughing at him in displays of mockery and cruelty.  
  
The very memory made the clown vomit even more forcefully.  
  
~  
  
"You're such a nice friend, Mister Sumo," said GIR delightedly as he and his newfound chubby friend sat down in front of the game console once more and engaged in a battle in "Mortal Horseflies Part 4." This game was a particular favorite of Zim's, and strangely enough, GIR felt like playing it that night.  
  
The sumo wrestler smiled absentmindedly and foamed at the mouth as he proceeded to lose horribly to GIR.  
  
~  
  
Zim left his labs, having succeeded in nothing except becoming disgruntled at the sheer defiance of his computer. After the system had calmed after the apparent lack of Cherry beverages, it contented itself with calling Zim random names for the following hour and a half. Some of them that stuck out still more prominently in his brain than the rest were "Fragrant Olives," "Chunks of Glory," and "Aunt Raymond." It wasn't as though these names were cruel, but they more or less disturbed Zim. It worried him that his computer system had merrily referred to him as "Aunt Raymond" more than once.  
  
So it came to no surprise to Zim that GIR had returned home with his new chub-roll coated friend.  
  
Nevertheless, he wasn't pleased. "I said, LEAVE MY BASE!!!"  
  
Mikoto blinked back impassively.  
  
"Master loves you," GIR reassured him happily.  
  
"No…I can't say that I do," said Zim irritably. "No. Now…OUT!!! Leave me or I'll…I'll…" Zim intended to brandish a laser gun from his back pod, but accidentally displayed a single pair of tweezers. Naturally, his threatening just faded as he witnessed his own stupidity.  
  
"MY TWEEZERS!!!" shrieked GIR delightedly as he lunged for the tweezing instrument. "I missed them much. THEY SMELL OF TAQUITOS, SEE?" GIR waved them in front of Mikoto's nostrils enthusiastically.  
  
"Yep, they do," agreed Mikoto.  
  
Zim sighed. His very neurons ached with frustration.  
  
~  
  
Dib chased Cheddar's ghost down the street in a mad pursuit. The shining mist was barely visible, and was intelligible only as moonlight struck it.  
  
Down an alley Dib ran, through large rain puddles left by the thunderstorms earlier. Cheddar's form stopped writhing in midair as it had been, and seemed to dissolve.  
  
Somehow Dib understood that it was simply too weak to carry on. He was winning the war. The fish was all but gone from the face of the Earth, which he fought so hard to protect from the paranormal.  
  
~  
  
Gaz arrived at the desired convenience store, swinging open the door to find an unpleasant scene greeting her. Well…it might have been unpleasant to most people, but it really didn't bother her.  
  
The clerk was dead. (A/N: Odd…) Imagine that. Two dollars were on the counter. Gaz added her own two dollars to the mix and grabbed a pack of batteries. Upon exiting, she glimpsed a manta ray falling out of nowhere and exploding, a pudgy midget selling ointment in a makeshift booth, and a scary-looking young man walking in the other direction.  
  
Gaz continued on her way, content to have her console returned to use again.  
  
~  
  
  
  
That was mighty interesting. Okay, so it might not have been. I don't know. Review, won't ya? AND REMEMBER: Only you can prevent overexcited fireflies! I go now. 


	8. Conclusion

Sooo…I'm back with the final chapter. I would have been able to post it sooner if lightning hadn't struck EXTREMELY close to my house. A few circuit-thingies exploded when some of the current of the lightning somehow came into my house…and my computer modem was rendered useless because of the whole ordeal. Exciting, no? At any rate, I apologize for the delay, to those of you who read this thing regularly.  
  
As always: MY THANKS TO DA REVIEWERS!!! You may all wallow in Skittle heaven! FUN!!! Well, now…read on.  
  
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!! NOTHING!!! Nothing, Mister Clod Unit! Well…Mikoto, Justin (I don't believe he's in this chapter), Cheddar, and the manta rays are mine…yeah.  
  
~  
  
CHAPTER EIGHT: Conclusion  
  
  
  
Had Gaz not been so engrossed in her game, she might have noticed the street of oddities upon which she walked. But, naturally, the termination of vampire pigs was worth every second of her attention, and so she succumbed to the gaming need. She wasn't all that far from her house, anyway.  
  
A rodeo clown clad in pink spandex slithered out of a storm drain and up the sidewalk past Gaz, who paid him little to no mind. She gradually became aware, however, that she had missed a turn and had absent-mindedly wandered into a road of hideous creatures that appeared to have once been humans at one point in their lives.  
  
It was intriguing. A three-headed hot dog vendor made a sale to a horrendously blue-skinned, chubby old woman, who resembled, unfortunately, a legless rat. Gaz stared about the street. All was so twisted and wrong here that it was humorous… And a monkey-like child yelled, "BENJAMIN! NOOOOOO! DON'T BLOW UP! BE STRONG, BENJAMIN!! AAAAAAAAAAAaaaahh!!" An explosion was seen in the distance, followed by showers of corn. (A/N: That was for you, Fig.)  
  
Gaz backed away slowly and attempted to turn onto a different road, but was momentarily blocked by a mild downpour of manta rays, which landed at her feet. She stared venomously at the mantas that had dared blockade her route…and they stared back with hardly any interest. All was silent for a moment, then…they exploded with rather violent force, as was to be expected. Gaz, extremely angered that her Game Slave had received singe marks, stalked away into the night toward her house, in somewhat of a rage, killing all who had the misfortune to meet her on the sidewalk.  
  
~  
  
Johnny, likewise, walked off into the night toward his house, killing all who bumped into him.  
  
~  
  
Zim's headache was getting increasingly severe as he tried to get GIR's chubby new friend to leave.  
  
"But Master, we were playin' 'Mortal Horseflies Part 4!'" pleaded GIR.  
  
One of Zim's antennae twitched backward in a display of annoyance. "You were playing MY game? MINE?" He dove for the console, shutting it off as he grabbed for the disc inside, inspecting it for scratches and whatnot.  
  
GIR's cyan eyes filled with tears. "Aww…."  
  
Mikoto felt bad for his android friend, for he himself didn't really care so much about the game. He just liked staring at the fascinatingly good 3- D animation. This was the main reason why GIR, as "advanced" as he was, was able to claim victory over Mikoto every time.  
  
Mikoto knew he had to cheer GIR up. He waddled into the kitchen, where he found a wide variety of grapefruits in the refrigerator. (A/N: No, I don't know why Zim was keeping several citrus fruits…an experiment, maybe?) He discovered a chainsaw lying mysteriously in the backyard. He went out to grab it, came back inside, carefully arranged the grapefruits on the living room floor, and began to saw them into halves.  
  
It did succeed in grabbing GIR's attention. "Oooh…grapefruit magic!"  
  
Zim began twitching with disbelief next to the TV. "There's a scratch! A scratch on the disc! GIR, do you have any idea how it got there…?" He waited impatiently for his robot slave to answer him.  
  
"Nooo…." GIR slowly turned away from the chainsaw/grapefruit display. "I NEVER KNEW JERKY CAME IN THREE BRITISH FLAVORS, MR. WALLEYE!" he shrieked, leeching onto Zim's head, where he proceeded to tug vigorously on his master's antennae.  
  
Zim, after about five minutes, finally succeeded in pulling GIR off and flinging him onto the floor, where he smiled at the TV screen, completely oblivious to what had just occurred.  
  
Mikoto, bored with the situation, tossed the chainsaw out of a window and sat down again, causing the base to shake considerably.  
  
Zim stared in horror as he realized that he had dropped the disc as he had pulled GIR off his head…and Mikoto was currently sitting on it. It could be in several pieces by now, for all he knew. "Out of my base! Dare you invoke the wrath of ZIM!?? I am ZIM!!" To accent his point, he shook his fist skyward.  
  
"I like cheese," agreed Mikoto.  
  
"I – what? Cheese? ARE YOU MOCKING THE ALMIGHTY ZIM!!!???"  
  
"I like cheese too," added GIR rapturously. He picked up the remote and began flipping through channels, now that the console was no longer on. He paused as he saw two extremely heavy-looking men wrestling each other in a large white circle.  
  
Mikoto suddenly stared, realizing that he did in fact have an occupation…and the match that was being broadcast on the television at that moment was also one that he was supposed to compete in.  
  
"HARK! THEY HAVE DISCOVERED MY TUNA SALAD!!!" yelled Mikoto suddenly, getting up and running thunderously out of Zim's base.  
  
Zim vaguely remembered looking up sumo wrestling in his computer database a few days earlier. He thus understood why GIR's chubby friend had abruptly left, and he was extremely grateful. He wasn't as pleased to see that "Mortal Horseflies Part 4" was on the floor in several pieces.  
  
"My game…" he muttered dejectedly.  
  
GIR picked up all seven pieces and proceeded to eat them. (A/N: NO! NOT A GOOD A VIDEO GAME! ALMIGHTY SIZZLING SALMON DEMONS, NO!!!)  
  
~  
  
The clown on the sidewalk opposite Zim's base was oddly able to quit vomiting. The flies he had eaten so many days ago finally had come up. (A/N: That can't exactly be a healthy digestion cycle, can it?) He composed himself and was on his way to "Tutu Asylum: The Instruction Hut for All Aspiring Ballerinas!" Yes…this particular clown had always yearned for a part in local ballet productions.  
  
~  
  
/So…you've got me…/ wheezed the silvery mist hanging in the air, directing its words into Dib's large head telepathically, for it was too weak to send its message into the actual atmosphere.  
  
"You surrender then?" asked Dib, surprised that such an evil fish…thing would give up as easily as Cheddar had.  
  
/Yes…/  
  
"Good. So…uh…are you gonna go now or something?"  
  
/I think./  
  
Cheddar dematerialized completely and was no more.  
  
Dib blinked at the space where his mental tormentor had seemingly evaporated. He allowed silence to echo through the area as a soft breeze picked up, rustling bits of trash, corpses, and other like things in the alleyway in which he stood after pursuing Cheddar.  
  
~  
  
Cheddar's ancient, shriveled owner was currently weeping over the grave she had constructed for her fish. Apparently, her tragic loss was still too much for her. Sure, she had cried when all of her children were killed in a wicked shark attack on the beaches of Florida in 1972, but those were just kids…nuisances, at best…but she had lost her fish, the one thing she cared about in life the most…  
  
The old woman fell to her knees by the tiny headstone and shrieked skyward, "WHY? WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE? WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS TANGY DID HE DO WRONG? HE WAS JUST A FISH!!! I HATE MY LIFE!! BLESSED BE THE MAPLE SYRUP I HOARD IN MY UNDERGARMENTS….!!!"  
  
People began staring as the old creature wept hysterically, terribly shaken by Cheddar's death, even after many days…  
  
~  
  
Dib was actually feeling pretty good about life at the moment. He had actually suffered from something evil and paranormal…and he had beaten it. He had rid the world of the wickedness of a ghost. So what if it had only been a goldfish?  
  
He turned and began walking home. As Dib looked back over his shoulder at the alleyway in which the earthly form of Cheddar's soul had been destroyed, he muttered for effect, "Earth is safe once more…but for how long?"  
  
~  
  
  
  
  
  
Well…that's it. Until next time….I go now. 


End file.
